Wordiness and Intentions (beta)

Here's some music! (Lyrics are in the video description on youtube!)

Time for a hopefully quick update on life & the way things are going. Still haven't had time to give support to all of my wonderful followers. I just watched a podcast from some old guy in South America or something talking about vampires & equating it to energy and love and all that. You guys keep giving me love even though I haven't been able to return it for a while!! So thank you, and sorry for being a vampire. Unless you like that kind of thing. You're welcome if that's the case. And I am sparkly, but only sometimes. So there's that.

Life is beginning to return to "normal" I think. Well, I've been having ideas about posts, anyway. I was just thinking earlier how "normal" doesn't really exist. I guess it would equate to "average" in a statistic sense, but average doesn't really mean much! I get hung up on that a lot, I think. Because I'm very detached from any sort of community, so if I just get to average or normal, at least I will be a part of something!

And that's not true, I'm a part of a handful communities (both online and in real life!). I've just been too preoccupied to give any of them the time I think they deserve, so I've just been one of those exterior people who shows up, when I'd rather be a part of the core. Ah, the core. I've always wanted to be a part of that....

Speaking of what I've always wanted...... OOOOOOO. I've been having problems with jealousy lately!!! It's just been all over the place.

• Jealous of people who don't have kids or significant others because they have so much time!! Oh, the wonderful things I would do if only I had the time!!!
• Jealous of people who have kids and, I swear, it's like EVERYBODY helps raise them. Like, everyone around is another parent who is so supportive and helps if things are going wrong. But no one crosses any lines! GAH!!! Please, guys, help us too! How do WE not have that sort of environment!!
• Jealous of family members totally preferring other family members over us. Which is fine. I totally understand people sometimes just prefer certain people over others and it's nothing personal. But WAAAHHHH don't you care???
• Jealous of people who know how to win board games. LOL. I'm not really a sore loser, but loss after loss after loss after loss after loss, when I don't feel like I'm winning anywhere else is starting to wear on me.
• Jealous of people WHO CAN TALK. I've always been a total introvert. Not very confident in my ideas, because my ideas are strange and I haven't figured out how to frame them in more acceptable terms.
• Jealous of people with support systems!!! Oh how falling would hurt so much less if someone was just there to give a pat on the back and say "At least you tried!"

The funny thing is.... all these things that other people have but "not me" (pouty pout pout)...uhhh I totally have them!

I've been so fascinated lately about creating my own reality. Which I do, a little bit. It takes courage, which is new to me. Regarding the energy I was speaking about earlier (you know, the vampire stuff) I never realized that you have to give in order to get. Well, I did, but I thought it was only limited to material things, or something. I've always had a much better grip on the physical world than the weird spiritual emotional one. Which I think actually enhanced my spirituality oddly enough, but I digress.

When I was like 5, I was in a "summer camp" thing at a local park... Really it was just a fancy name for "babysitting during the summer while you're not in kindergarten," it wasn't overnight or anything. And I didn't know anyone. There was this boy who I thought was SO AWESOME, and did I introduce myself to him? No. Did I talk to him? Oh, jeez.. No! Did I even talk about how awesome I thought he was to other people? Nope! I followed him! I followed him around the playground! I was waiting for him to notice me and say "Hi! You wanna play?" Did he ever say that... hahahahahaha NO. No. He said, "STOP FOLLOWING ME!!"

Noooo.... I died. I was trying so hard to be friends!!! Following him everywhere!!!! WHYYYY WHYYYYY. Oh, I was so sad.

Oddly enough, I didn't seem to really learn anything. Maybe... "Don't let the people you're following know you're following them (but somehow obviously they'll still notice you?). WHAT? That makes no sense.

So.... just now, over a quarter of a century into my life, I've finally figured out that if I want something, I have to create an environment for it to happen. Heck, I might even have to MAKE IT HAPPEN. I can't just sit and wait for it.

I mean, I've sort of known it, a few times, but haven't really implemented it well, or I kind of forgot it, or I did it but I was alone in a forest so nobody heard, and therefore it didn't make a sound.

Now my  problem is actually doing it.  I literally have to unlearn so much. And then find out what it is that I actually want.

In school, I was the perfect student. 

I never asked questions. I was quiet. I got A's and B's... sometimes C's if I really needed help but never asked. But for the most part, I was always on the honor roll. I was in Who's Who Among American High School Students 3 years in a row. I played the flute in marching band my freshman year, I had been playing since 4th grade and even had private lessons! But I quit because I found out I was supposed to be in Orchestra class or something, and in that class everyone was required to do solos in front of the whole class. And the band was like 100 people. So I quit because I might mess up. It wasn't an easy A. I even was in an honors class, which I bombed [read: "got a C"] only because I was trying too hard and, again, never asked for help.

Great. Thank you school for all of the amazing life lessons you taught me. [/sarcasm] Like shut up, sit down, and do what we say. There's one of the reasons we decided to unschool our kids right there. I don't really think making that a daily habit is going to help my kids realize their potential.

I can't wait to write posts about unschooling. Honestly, it's so awesome. It will be even more awesome once we get into the unschooling scene in the city we just moved to. I am sooo excited for my kids. ^_^

Honestly, I'm uncomfortable talking about my kids here though. Because I often talk about my fears and worries and shortcomings. It's my only outlet for these things for now. There is no greater fear to a mom than to have someone say they aren't raising their children correctly. Or maybe there is... haha... there are a TON of fears that come with parenthood. (*cringes thinking of some of them*)

But I'm really into transparency, and not propagating the many lies and omissions and assumptions about parenthood and life in general that are still prevalent in many societies today. Of course, we're not normal (or average), but neither are you. We're just people, derpin around, trying to do our best. And that's fascinating. I can't wait to make more and more connections as my confidence grows and I meet more people and OH MAN, getting up the courage to just approach strangers and listen to their views on life.... I can't wait!!

Here's one of my example baby steps (gotta learn to walk before I can run, amirite?), on my excursion yesterday (partly documented in the video below) over on the "rich" side of town (we live on the "poor" side of town, but while wandering the 'hood trying to brighten it up with my smile and pink hoodie, too many tweekers started conversations [3 is enough LOL - They seem to be the only ones brave enough to approach others, lol, but they're just trying to fuel their addiction] ...sooo I went over to the rich side for a break).

There was an old woman sweeping her sidewalk, just getting out a trash bag to put the pine needles in, and I offered to hold the bag for her, just to make her day a little easier. As if it wasn't easy enough, she's on the rich side of town after all, but honestly I think lots of money /= easy life. She was appreciative, but a little worried, I think. People seem to make a lot less eye contact over there. I just want to let the world know that there's good stuff, and people to help. Whether or not I get help in return, I still value helping others to the best of my ability. All is not lost.

NEWS!!!!!!

Made a video on the spur of the moment yesterday, check it out:



Making intentions public is something I've found all over the internet to help get something done, but according to Derek Sivers (who is awesome, awesome, awesome - go soak in everything he's written, watch his TED talks. You might want to take a vacation, it'll be a while) "Tests done since 1933 show that people who talk about their intentions are less likely to make them happen. Announcing your plans to others satisfies your self-identity just enough that you're less motivated to do the hard work needed." =O So I better watch out. If I haven't been a part of Triathalon by July, kick my butt and make me do it, K? ^_~

Also, if you're interested in my intent, check out 5 Reasons You Should Do A Triathalon This Year by Joel Runyon (another person whose blog you should soak up like a sponge, IMO).

Also, I wanted to mention really quickly how great it is hanging out with awesome and influential people. Our housemate/landlord/friend person is one of those people who is just great and gets things done. We've got a couple of other contacts that are just.... mindblowingly awesome. Better than any celebrity. It's amazing. And just going out into the community, in the small amount that we have, and being in touch with these great people and having them talk to us and be interested in us (and one of them even told me I was HOT!) has really kept us going. It's like we owe it to them to be awesome, lol. It's great.

Okay I'll stop there. I hope you guys all have great weeks and weekends and can find the awesomeness in all the moments that don't seem so great. :D <3

Music Monday :: Saul WIlliams "Patience"

Since I've found it difficult to update recently, this Music Monday will have a bit more substance than some of the previous, hooray!

Without further ado, here is "Patience."



I'm such a Saul Williams groupie. I haven't found one thing he's touched that I don't like. I aspire to be like him. And I absolutely love his new album, Volcanic Sunlight. True to the rumors, it IS different than what he's done in the past, but IMO what he does just keeps getting better. His older songs age well. Just. AWESOMENESS.

Lots of words go here about the song, but I don't have time to form them into coherent text.

"It's getting harder to maintain"

My favorite post on Technicolor Typecast so far is How to Be Successful in Five Easy Steps (Or at Least a Pretty Good Cosplayer). I mean, it's so problogger-y. (I guess. I don't really know much about problogger.) Its so awesome, that I inspired myself when I wrote it.  Still not sure if its the best advice though. Gimme a break, I'm shooting from the hip, here.

I realized it directly conflicts with awesome truth/transparency. Which I try to value and uphold. But I also value finding yourself, and doing what makes you happy. Sometimes it seems like sticking to 100% truthiness is contraindicated to grabbing life by its balls and living, doing what your soul tells you is right. Not that I'm saying you should lie. But, for example, for someone like me with social anxiety, I'm tempted to just create a temporary alter-ego in order to get used to talking to people. Telling the truth, if you're not a good storyteller, has a tendency to be boring, and if you're talking to an acquaintance or a stranger... I don't know. Perhaps white lies and exaggerations and completely made up shenanigans could come in handy.

Also let me mention Sam Spurlin, and something he said on Twitter that resonated with me. Actually the internet is really unreliable at this place, so no exact quote will be given. But it was something about finding your passion... people (like me) who are uncertain of their passions tend to look inward to find their passion, however, you might be more successful if you create your own passion. Get out there and do stuff that sounds fun, and who knows, maybe you'll end up being passionate about it.

Well, I don't remember exactly where I was going with this whole post and I must be going soon. Somehow this is all related to this poem from Maya Angelou that I strongly identify with. So, hmm.



My conclusion is to be reached in the future. Draw your own conclusions. I keep trying to oversimplify these things. Or perhaps they are simple and I'm complicating them. Or maybe things just are, and they will be what they will be regardless of how anyone will label them.

Fo the chillins, yo.

RIGHT NOW

So I thought I'd make a post about what I'm doing #rightnow.

Oh yeah, I used hashtags in a blog post, I'm cool.

So, I wanted to listen to the Lunatic Pope's CD. D4 pointed out that PCs usually have CD drives (thank you, captain obvious :D), and while we have 2 PCs on in the house (what a waste of energy, considering no one ever uses one of them - it's just on so the printer will work XD) - the one we don't use doesn't have any headphones or speakers hooked up and the other one Nebberz has been using to play Skyrim (and plus it's in the living room and I wasn't really sure if it would be kid-friendly). And yes I do mainly use a netbook. Although I do have an external disc drive I could use... but that sounds like a lot of work. :)

So,
I escaped the house alone to listen in the car, and then go write this blog post somewhere! XD Then I re-realized that I actually like listening to amateur musicians. I like imagining them in their garages or next to the computers just rockin' out, and it's just so freakin' cute. Most of the time.
I'll write a preliminary review for my next post. ^_^

I got off-topic on the "right now" stuff though.

So, it's not quite as "right now" as a live feed I guess. More like "recently happened." But really you don't come to Blogger to get instant updates anyway, that's what social networking is for. By the way, why don't you follow me on Twitter? There's a widget over there somewhere with clickables --->

Speaking of Twitter, the LovelyZena is like the only person who keeps me coming back to Twitter because she tags me and responds to me occasionally. But I'm awkward so I respond to her responses by mentioning her on my blog. I actually found here here on Blogger though. She's got the awesomest blog evar: She's the Real Queen of Horror. Go follow and comment her because she's cute! :D

So I've been spending a lot of time on Instagram, collecting followers for some strange reason. Just seems like fun, I suppose. Maybe an ego boost. At this moment, I am perhaps more narcissistic than I've ever been. Overall, I'm still not very narcissistic; it's just to the extent of my photos. Boy, my confidence is boosted though. XD

Anyway, I love the #rightnow aspect of Instagram. I love pictures. I love perspectives. And, I dunno, there's just something cool about knowing what your friends are looking at #rightnow. It makes you feel connected. Even though you're not. And maybe you should really be connected and not just use technology to make you feel less alone. But that's what it's therefore isn't it? That's why everyone has it! Maybe. And not that any more than 1/4 of pictures posted on there were actually taken that very second.

Right, digressing again.

Onto pictures I posted to Instagram #rightnow (30 minutes ago).

That's right, I take pictures alone in grocery store bathrooms and post them on the internet.
U mad?

I decided to go to Safeway, a grocery store for those of you who don't know, because they have a Starbucks and wifi in there. And this Safeway is on the hill, where are the stuck-up people go to shop. Not that they are the most stuck up people I've ever encountered, this is the Pacific Northwest, after all.

I hate Safeway. They have shitty prices, shitty produce, and a shitty selection. They do a really good job of looking pristine and perfect though. They would have a Starbucks. Doesn't like every store have a Starbucks now though?

I got some hipster zen green tea and a piece of banana bread from the Barbie Doll Barista. Not a pretty new exciting Barbie Doll, mind you, just... notably plastic. She presented herself as personality-less and preoccupied with herself. But she wasn't overly rude or anything. I don't really like going to these sorts of places, or supporting them. I like friendly community places with nice people. But how would I get blog posts done there? The group of popular teenagers who were sitting next to me, being all cute and teenager-y (I used to despise teenagers, but now, probably because of my newfound narccissism and ego boosting, I think they're cute.) was much less of a distraction than people I'm genuinely interested in and want to get to know better would be at the bestest underground elitist coffee shops. And even less of a distraction than that parenthetical remark and confusing verbiage.

I love my hipster food & beverage though. I'm such an elitist about food.

There's the cute little Starbucks, behind the derp scratching his lotto tickets. I kinda wanna get into candid photography. This is actually my best candid, street-photographyish shot so far, I think. ^_^

This is the perfect place for me to give a shout out to one of my favorite people to follow on Instagram, the Candid Camera Man. He posts awesome photos he takes of strangers on the street and gives awesome advice to help others make awesome photos, too. What a cool dude.

Well, I'm out of stuff to write. :) Hope you enjoyed my #rightnow photos that are already like an hour old. >_<

:D

FURIOUS

I'm not that much of a Redditor (If I visited Reddit any more than casually a couple times a month, I would live there.), but Nebberz wanted to show me the top story just now, AESOP ROCK AMA.

i don't know what day it is, either

Of course, we love Aesop Rock, we love Blockhead, we love Atmosphere. ET CETERA.

So I found out, he has been working with KIMYA DAWSON. This chick that I kinda but not really hang out with a few times a year. Alright, our kids play together. Alright, they don't actually because they're not the same age or gender but ARGHGHGHG. We have a mutual friend who was like "She doesn't want anyone to know this, but she just won a Grammy." And so of course I'm EXTRA AWKWARD around her because OMG SHE'S FAMOUSE. Dammit, Wendy, why did you tell me!? LOL

Who's Kimya Dawson, you say? I dunno, you guys might have heard of The Moldy Peaches and Juno, and that cute little song that she & Adam sang called "Anyone Else But You." If that's not familiar, you must live under a rock or something, I dunno.

she is ridiculously cute in person

Anyway - Kimywa Dawson - *thumbs up* I mean, I overheard her on the phone talking about designing her own socks to sell.

I FUKKEN LOVE SOCKS!!

Everyone should check out what she's doing, now. And throw money at her.

And Aesop Rock.

And Busdriver.

I made another post on Instagram (I'm an IG-aholic, I'm telling you) about Flash Bang Grenada (10 Haters is my absolute new favorite album btw, everyone buy it. Or download it. Or search for it on youtube.) and SOMEONE TAGGED BUSDRIVER. So, if he checks his "news" my little picture will be there and, oh jeez, I am so shy. *hides*

It's nice though, maybe I can be an artist, and just never go back to work for THE MAN. If playing video games and making pictures counts as artistry...? I feel like my pinkie toe is getting in the door, and I know Tacoma is not the new-hip-now town, but I'm SOOO EXCITED to just be able to live downtown, somewhere close to music.

Anyway, just had to vent my frustration at being SOCLOSE to these awesome, awesome people. But of course I am only surrounding myself with awesome people. How else can I expect to be awesome?

My Greatest Fear Is Not That I Am Inadequate

I've been having too much fun with Instagram lately. Here is a simple edit that I did. I like it a lot. <3

poor colossus. i'm sorry D':

Wedding on Friday, moving after that sometime. Thanksgiving. Will I make it to the end of the month?

My Favorite Television Show Is Perfect Hair Forever

Wish I could manage this entire blog using just my imagination. Just saying. That would be way easier.

So last post I mentioned maybe doing a gaming vlog... I'm kinda shy, so I got a mask à la MF DOOM.

I think I'll play Portal 2 first, unless you have any ideas that I like better (haven't played games in a minute). That'll probably not be until a couple months from now though, gotta get married and move before I can even think about having extra seconds in the day.

Also, I know I'm a total Ev Bogue groupie (I'm not even going to link him because I have so many times already!) but he shared an awesome blogger, Penelope Trunk. Chicks (and dudes) like these are the people I need to be hanging out with. Seriously.

Can't wait to move to the city, I think things will be better then.

Just A Moment of Weakness

a shitty couple of days has been had by me - it's finally become glaringly obvious to me that working from home for 7 years and moving to a place where i only really know 1 person has actually been extremely detrimental to parts of my existence. and then being fired a few critical months before i was planning to quit, my job going overseas & to computers, collecting unemployment, half-assing and doing the bare minimum to meet the job search requirements because i've got more important things to focus on than money (even though i am the breadwinner) - but finding it hard to half-ass, only applying for jobs i could see myself doing and then (of course) getting turned down (48 times already) since i still haven't perfected my resume, and, oh god, so awkward talking to people, especially females, especially attempting to help the one who just had a baby, and trying to be there for her, but... i'm... just... so... awkward.... trying to pretend that i'm perfectly fine, asking her about what she's planning career-wise, of course she's a college graduate and (before she went to albania for the peace corps) she was some sort of epic official wetlands research conservationist person, and she wants to go back to school to get moar epic certifications for that, and i have never felt so poor and uneducated - even though i'm determined to prove money and formal education are unnecessary and often interfere with real progress, but feeling like my attempts to make progress in any form are in vain... questioning my value...



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Errybody please visit wabisabiweddingday.blogspot.com :D kthx

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btw this counts as music monday, even though the song i referenced in the title is not even in this post at all XD

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also btw this is my first post made at a bar. (why is there a fire truck here? o_O)

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btw btw i've been inspired by Maximus Black and his playthrough of I Wanna Be The Guy. Kinda wanna do something similar. Thoughts? Game ideas? What programs should I use to set that sheet up?

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btwww also thinking of being a huge faggot and recording myself singing. >_< Not that I think I'm a good singer or anything, just want to learn how to be a "vessel" (in the way that Saul Williams mentions in SlamNation)  and be alright with haters, lol

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My Favorite Question is "Why?"

Did everybody see the last post by Nebberz? It's only his second post on Technicolor Typecast (and maybe the whole blogosphere actually). Isn't he awesome? I'm sure we'll see more of him here... his favorite question is also "Why?" so he really enjoys trying to decipher song meanings. :D

-

But, alas, today is not Music Monday, so we've got something different.

I didn't think much of it at the time, but I saw a post on Reddit the other day. Oddly, though, it has kept popping up in my thoughts the past week or two, so I figured I'd share it:

"girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short
wear shirts and boots
because it's okay to be a boy
but for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
because you think being a girl is degrading"

Okay, it's just some crossdressing dude with text over the picture, making it look like an average Tumblr post, right?  Right.

Lately I've been getting ready for my wedding. And I lost my job in June, so I've been really questioning myself hard about what I want to do with my life. These things naturally lead me wondering Who I really am, What I would really like, and, of course, Why?

I'm still not even sure if I agree with the picture.

But I do LOVE reading the comments in the Reddit thread.

Interesting side note: The man pictured... is actually James Franco. Okay so I don't stay hip with the times and I know very little about Hollywood anymore, I had to look him up. Apparently he was in Pineapple Express. That was a really funny movie, but I have a tendency to forget entire movies after I watch them. I have to actually watch a clip and then the whole thing comes back to me. But I digress.

Here's a "normal" picture of our friend James Franco. GQ (short for "Gentleman's Quarterly," the male equivalent of Vogue) calls him "The Next James Dean." I have to admit he does look James Dean-ish...

Honestly, if James Dean were in his prime at this moment in time - I think he would dress in drag too.

100 Followers! Party!

I just noticed the other day that we have 100 followers, yay!

Thank you everybody! You guys are awesome. 

Well I'm a little too busy for a real party, so let's just have a little mini-party in our imaginations. 

Annnddd....

GO!  

Party Party Party

Maybe at some other landmark, I'll do a giveaway. I like giveaways even though I'm lazy with them and don't have money. ^_^

*edit* Well, now I'm at 99 followers again... I must have scared someone away with babies >_<

I'm Going to Be an Awesome Doula :D

dou·la  [doo-luh]
nouna woman who assists women during labor and after childbirth.

Supposed to be making posts for the Wabi-Sabi Wedding Day blog, but I'm learning doula stuff instead. Both super important things, but new babies are more important. :D

I'm watching this lady's videos, she's pretty cool! She likes "elevator speeches" too. I think everyone should have an elevator speech, even if they aren't entrepreneurs or self-employed. :D


So I had a natural childbirth 1-1/2 years ago, and it was Awesome. Stark contrast with the hospital birth I had almost 8 years ago now. The accepted American thought on child birth seems to be that birth is scary and bad and horribly painful.

hospital birth in 2003 when I was 18

I was scared back in the day at the hospital birth. I tried to read books and magazines to educate myself about what was going to happen, but while I was pregnant I just tried not to think about the birth... you can't control a situation like that anyway. I didn't have much support, either. And when it was time for the birth, they just whisked me through what seemed like an assembly line, doing all sorts of procedures and applying all sorts of monitors, laying me on my back on the bed, giving me stuff to make contractions stronger, more frequent, and more painful, while generally just being annoyed with me, it seemed.

Luckily we made it out without a C-section, but I almost gave into the epidural - thank goodness labor had progressed too far by then, or else I probably would have ended up having a C-section if the muscles I needed to control were numb. :/

Honestly, apart from the great awesomeness of bringing my first son into the world, it was a really bad experience. So when I became pregnant again, I decided to do everything I could do avoid repeating the same thing.

And it was great.

home birth in 2010 :D

My second son was born at home in a birth pool with a midwife and her assistant present, along with the truely awesome Nebberz. I used Hypnobabies to help really just ease the fear - that's where most of the pain comes from I think. Everybody thought I was sleeping when I had contractions, I just zoned out so hard. I don't feel as if I was under hypnosis though, it was really more like deep meditation.

Anyway, I kind of am infuriated that so many women don't know that an awesome, calm birth is totally possible - and I really want to help "spread the word" and help anybody who needs it. So when I met this girl in a local sustainability group, I decided to let her know I'm interested in helping. Since she's interested in sustainability, and she and her husband were in the Peace Corps and all that stuff, they're already pretty "in the know" about birth.

Anyway, her due date was last Wednesday!!! So baby could be coming at any minute. I get to be the chauffeur while she's in labor! I'm so nervous - I'm the only pregnant person I've ever really known, lol. I've hung out with this girl a few times since she agreed to let me help.... but this will be the first birth I'm going to be around! I'm so excited and nervous, and I hope I really do help! :)

Wish me luck... :)

More wedding posts on Wabi-Sabi Wedding Day coming soon! :D

Getting Girlier Every Day....

On a whim, I decided to do my hair today. I might as well before I get rid of these curlers that are so rarely used. They take up a lot of space!  It would have looked better if I had washed my hair first, but I didn't feel like waiting for it to dry. My hair dryer caught on fire over a year ago and I never got a new one... >_< I'm becoming so girly though, I might have to get another one. :D  And MAKEUP! I am kind of against makeup, because I don't like fake. But I DO really love to play dress-up. :D And I have to practice being pretty for our wedding day potluck. :D

PICS!

anybody want these? i'm getting rid of them

hair before

oh  man i need to re-learn makeup :/

put the rollers in and THEN find the directions... hmmm 

LOL i don't know what i'm doing... this is what it looked like when i took the rollers out

fluffed my hair a bit :D 

and done! yay :D

Attention Tumblr Users

I just made a > Tumblr, < nukkas!

So follow me there. Or not. I just don't want to be lonely. :)

Also if I can have everyone's attention for a moment, time is running out for the giveaway over at Wabi-Sabi Wedding Day.

I wanna give gifts to you guys but I can't afford it unless you donate :(

I will totally personally pick something yummy for you at the store, you basically pay for it + shipping in handling. Totally need to make a post about what I plan on giving away. :D The proceeds will all go to our wedding day celebration!! :D

Part of My Persona (I Forgot lulz)

I knew I was forgetting someone in last night's post! BUBBLES! :D

Certainly a very important aspect of My Persona.

What's your persona?

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Also I wanted to share an awesome blog I found. You guys might already know of her, but Allebanna has a blog called These Things Are Relevant To My Interests. OMFG, she makes awesome T-shirts. And she apparently gives them away occasionally. :D This is one she made for a baby:

 I just found her, so I'll have to stick around and see what other awesomeness she is capable of. :D

I wanna get in the habit of making more shout-outs to awesome people, because you guys deserve it. :D

Like right now I'm listenting to some tracks Electric Addict has shared. As I mentioned in my first Music Monday post, I've got a special affinity for music blogs. Electric Addict has the upper hand because he often posts songs with minimal lyrics. :D

My Persona

A few days ago I made a post - "How to Be Successful in Five Easy Steps (Or At Least A Pretty Good Cosplayer)" where I posed the question "What's your version of the ultimate person?" Perhaps I should have asked, "What's your version of the ultimate "you." So I figured I'd share my version of the ultimate "me" really quick. Keep in mind this probably changes multiple times a day, so it will probably never be the same for me again!

Tank Girl

+

ceiling cat

+

catwoman

+

random mythical anime goddess character

+

a little bit of Bruce Lee. Almost put the bride from Kill Bill here instead, but couldn't find a suitable photo

I think I had the idea to add a couple others, but it already started changing halfway through. So, this is actually a pretty rough picture of what the ultimate person/me is at this moment. Missing a lot though. Gives at least a general idea anyway. :)

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Don't forget to check out WabiSabiWeddingDay.blogspot.com for updates!

Music Mondays

Okay so I know it's not really Monday.  That's how it goes here at Technicolor Typecast though! Monday was 2 days ago, and I'm still not ready for it. Ah well, here goes anyway.

Back in my heyday, I was quite the audiophile. I used to read (and I mean read thoroughly) a handful of music magazines and listen intently to songs for hours a day on a daily basis. So I have been loving these music blogs I keep running into by you guys. It's got me a bit nostalgic, and I'm jelly. I wanna have a music blog too, *hmph.*

I wanted to make my first Music Monday post about the album Plastic Beach by The Gorillaz. It's one of my favorite albums. I was going to mention my trip to the Unemployment Office. It was quite an experience.

But I'm just not feeling that today. I'm feeling Mos Def's Umi Says.




I've been in a funk for the last day or two. Frustrated with being such a completionist at life. I only feel like I do things right if I do them like they are the most important thing ever. Unfortunately it's actually physically impossible to do that with 1,436 things. That's got me bummed.

I love songs with lyrics like this one. They are just so real and refreshing. I don't really like fluff or depressing stuff anymore. Everything I do, I want to make myself and the world better. That includes listening to music. So it's been hard to listen to music with lyrics for the past few years. You really have to dig for positive influences. But wow, once you do the work, there are so many songs with beautiful lyrics.

Shine your light on the world.... Shine your light for the world to see...

Practice Your Time Management Skeelz

*This is a stream of consciousness post


Okay, so it's time to bring some order to our lives. This is really just for me but I'm sharing anyway - maybe it can help you too :D

Let's make a schedule.

totally incomplete

• Go to bed earlier! This has always been an issue with me. :)
• After the sun goes down, don't turn on bright lights so our puny human brains know it's going to be time to go to bed soon.
• Bedtime is listed at 10:00, but that doesn't necessarily mean sleeping at that time. It means no more playing, no more computer, no more cleaning. I'm done for the day - only relaxing things are allowed like taking a bath or reading an actual physical book.
• Hopefully I can start waking up before everyone else, but I'm not crossing my fingers on this one. With my "bedtime" being so early, I won't be suprised if the baby's bedtime will also be affected, which will of course affect his wake-up time. Hopefully he starts sleeping through the night on his own. Older kid does a good job with his sleeping for the most part. :D
• Start restricting my sink time on the internet. Facebook, Twitter, G+ are all going to get restricted... no more than an hour a day for all three? Not sure. That sounds like so much time. Maybe I should confine FB usage to the ipod and reduce the rest to half an hour? I don't know, this one is a toughie. 
• Figure out how much time I would like to spend working. 2 hours a day isn't going to cut it. How do I want to organize it? 

Here's some of what I have to get done:
- write blog posts
- comment on blogs
- blog maintenance etc
- make a whole NEW blog with EXCITING giveaways
- do all the stuff that that blog is associated with...
- list things for sale on ebay
- sell non-ebay items (too big etc) on craigslist or at a consignment store
- figure out some sort of craft to make things to sell, maybe
- take a bellydancing class or maybe kickboxing...

I know I'm forgetting things...

Do you use a word processor?

*This is a stream of consciousness post

It has become suddenly apparent to me that I haven't used a word processor in years. I feel kind of ridiculous writing up a blog post in Notepad, though. Restaurants without wifi FTL.

I messed around with Ommwriter for a few minutes, once. It was developed for Macs, I beleive, and only later did they come out with a Windows version. I used it on Windows and... I don't know if it just didn't match the OS or if I just didn't like the program.

I should try it on my hackintosh, though. I'm writing this on my little MSI Wind notebook.. the perfect build to make a hackintosh. It's a dual OS notebook, now. I rarely ever boot into the Mac side, though. I don't really know much about Macs... I think there's a name for this specific hackintosh, and I know the operating system has a name... Snow Leapord? Using Windows operating systems so long... it's not terribly difficult to use a Mac, but it does seem to be a little counterintuitive.

Do Macs even come with word processors? They must... it's just so funny how much I don't know about it.

Lately, though, if I feel the need to create a document, I've just been using Google Docs, which I really, really like, actually! I absolutely love the ability to share with people and the ability to access my files from any computer without having to do any extra setup or anything. Stuff like this makes me really excited about "the cloud" and intrigued about Google's new internet-only Chromebook. Have any of you had the chance to play with it?

If you love Google so much, why don't you just get a tattoo??

But when you don't have wifi access... :(

Effin Applebees

*This is a Stream of Consciousness Post


Boy, am I going to be in trouble.

It's my first day at "work."

"Work" means me leaving the house to do internet stuff. Which, I know, doesn't really sound like work.

I thought I'd start off my new "job" with a bang, and go to Applebees and get alcohol. (*gasp* OMG!) But I can't not get food, right? So why not order a salad and veggies... *sigh*

So, to recap, my "job" involves getting drunk and spending like $20 on crappily made things. While I'm unemployed and not necessarily EVER getting a paycheck from doing this.

Hence why I'm going to be in trouble. :)

In the future, I'll probably just go to a coffee place or local bar (like this one that used to host LAN parties and 360 tournaments). Applebees doesn't even have wifi. I mean what the hell.

Last time we went to Applebees we were shocked at how expensive they were. Have they increased their prices? I mean, they aren't as good as Olive Garden or anything (not that Olive Garden is that great...), why do they have the same prices? We got nachos... turns out it's really difficult to get vegetarian nachos at Applebees... and they still taste gross. I guess I just have a thing against having chips in my salt and velveeta for effin $10. We DID get a free sundae out of it, though... not that we really wanted one. Our server was nice, at least.

This time, I'm diggin the Sangria, they didn't mess up their steamed veggies... and I haven't tried the salad yet. (*edit-  The salad... totally had bacon on it. WIN for a lot of people, but TOTAL FAIL for vegetarians :/  I mean, he didn't even ask!)  But seriously overpriced. The server's nice again though. But I mean, if your server isn't nice, you should probably just leave.

I wish I hadn't ordered the food so soon though, but I feel weird just coming here to drink. I was hoping to get a buzz. Totally a noob at bar stuff, or really alcohol in general. This is only my second sangria. I effin love sangria though. Guess it's just too much work to do at home. :P

I find it cute that two other solitary women have sat to either side of me in the little bar area, though. It's like we're having a girls night out without talking or making eye contact or anything. :D Not that we're sitting *next* to each other - god forbid - no, we're each sitting at our own table... 4 chairs to each of us, lol. I must admit they are small tables, though.

On Writing Blog Posts

*This is a Stream of Consciousness post

When I have to stop writing a post for some reason, I have the hardest time getting back into it. I suppose it's possible, but yet to be done. I spent an hour or so on the post below, but I just can't get myself to finish it or get to the point or totally re-do it. So I'll just give you the raw words anyway. I'd hate for the time I spent to go to "waste."

Without further ado...

How to Be a Woman

Yesterday I had a wonderful day at a new friend's baby shower. I'm loving that I'm finally getting to know people after living in Washington State for a few years now. Talking to strangers is totally worth it.

The first part of the baby shower was "GIRLS ONLY." Most of my life I have scoffed at "girls only" or "boys only" things. I've always thought that the genders were EQUAL, simple as that, and it just isn't fair to not include people just because they are a different gender than you.

Now part of that was probably because I've always been what is commonly referred to as a "tomboy." I've always loved sports and building things and I'm extremely competitive. I've never been much of a fan of carrying around a purse or wearing makeup or chatting with my girlfriends. But I do still occasionally wear dresses and I have absolutely adored Hello Kitty ever since I was 12. I have even have a tattoo of a unicorn on my shoulder. :D

Being a quiet person, though, I've rarely been included in playing sports or video games or grueling labor, which has only intensified feelings of being "left out." Those are things I really love to do.

So you can imagine how I feel when I hear something is only for men or only for females.

But, since I've had my second son, I've started to feel a little different. I was a single mom when my first son was a baby, and I had always envisioned that men are just as capable to care for kids as women are. And I think they are, but they seem to have a completely different way to go about it. I've never seen a guy care for a kid the way I would.

It threw me off at first, when my second son was born. I expected Nebberz to do the same things as me, because I know he's my equal. But it was SO different.

So I've been questioning this "gender equality" thing recently, and I went to the baby shower with more of an open mind.

Belly Dancing.

The first part of the babyshower was belly dancing. That pretty much explains why it was girls only, lol.

SOC* - Thoughts On Giving 100%, Filing for Unemployment, and Poverty

*SOC= Stream of Consciousness


Supposed to be working on my 3 job searches for unemployment - I was, but somehow I ended up here. So I thought, "Hey, why not make a blog post."

So are thoughts supposed to be in quotes?

Kinda feel like this blog is crappy... sorry bout that. Maybe it's just one of those days, and my blog is just fine. Haven't been giving my all to it though - it's been so frustrating. The blog's not frustrating; it's the "not giving my all" part that's frustrating.

I'm getting better at at least pushing through and finishing things that I'm not giving my all on though. And that might be an important thing. Maybe. It's not feeling right though. Maybe it's just because it's outside of my comfort zone.

I mean, which is better?
-Staring something with gusto and then losing motivation and not finishing? Finished projects all over the place?
-Or starting something that you know is good and just pushing through the loss of motivation- getting through the mucky part - and then really having something awesome at the end?

And if the second is the better one, should I really be showing the public my boring rants like this? I mean, it kind of seems uninteresting and not for the greater good?

Another question: Is showing this "weakness" something helpful to other people - so they don't just see the top 10% of the world and don't compare themselves to the top 10% - because I mean there's a 90% chance that you're not in the top 10%, and if you are in the top 10%, you're not in the top 10% in every life category. So don't worry if you suck at some things. Maybe being persistent at a sucky idea will be enough to turn it into something good. Pandora was rejected over 300 times by the VCs before getting funding. And I don't know who the VCs are, or what VC even stands for. lol

Is it okay to suck at things occasionally? Or if you're sucking, should you just give up and hide it under the rug?

Hmm. 

On that note, back to unemployment. Gotta do my 3 weekly applications. Hard to get the motivation to do so because I really don't want to work. But I want unemployment benefits.

Well, I do sort of want to work. Just in an awesome place. Sounds like it might be nice to be out of the home. But scary. Maybe some extreme part-time. Think I'm supposed to be searching for full-time employment though. Damn. Money. It sucks. Wanna get away from it, but shit, I wasn't ready yet.

Lost my job last month... don't really have the 3 months' worth of earnings saved up like I'd  have liked. Don't really have emergency money. Didn't get a house bought first. So it doesn't feel good. Not in my comfort zone again.

Not that $800/month for a family of 4 can't be done. Not that we have to be depressed about making more money than millions of people on the earth. Seriously, how many people on this earth make the equivalent of 800 US dollars and up? Let's see if we can find a map.

Here is a list of countries by percentage of population living in poverty - poverty being defined as less than $2 per person per day. Our family of 4 living on $800/month leaves about $6 per person, three times the international poverty line - and that's not even counting our increased $600/month in food stamps and random income we get from computer repair and odd jobs. And America and other rich countries think it's so impossible and bad, lol We have increasingly been of the belief that life under the poverty line is actually more enjoyable, because you are less worried about getting paid and more worried about just living life. However, our greedy lifestyle has actually been raping underdeveloped countries of their natural habitat, making it virtually impossible to live without money, because fucking food can't even grow there anymore because we destroy the land and take all the water. WTF.

/endrant


Right.  Onto the unemployment stuff.