Hey guys, check it out! I'm back!! Expect some sort of regular posts from me; I'm excited to get back in the game.
To start off, I had a bright idea on this sunny morning. This corner store needs some beautification. I live in the hood now, which, by the way, I love. I've taken an interest in building strong, healthy communities - especially in places that are struggling. And I'm not gonna say that there's not people struggling around here. What better way to brighten spirits than... a mural!! Okay I guess there's lots of good ways to brighten spirits but murals are a wonderful place to start.
Check out this mural down the road that I absolutely ADORE:
I just found out not too long ago, it's painted by the talented local Jeremy N Gregory (check out his blog, The Art and Antics of Jeremy Gregory (mostly true)). It makes my heart shine everyday that I walk or drive by. There's tons more beautiful murals around town, but this one I have to say is my favorite.
After the idea was born in my head, I happened upon a local mural project sponsored by all sorts of awesome local arts and community groups, and they are accepting applications to fight blight and combat vandalism with murals. If I can get enough support, they'll set the whole thing up!
So holla at me, offer me your kind words of support. Together we can accomplish anything! :D
Things have been hard, still. So I decided to make another music-ish video. Remember the last one? One of my friends found it on YouTube and just NEEDS to show it to everybody. Which I guess was the point of making the video but I cringe every time. At least everyone thinks it's just sooo cute. (I guess that's a good thing?)
Well, I made another video, since things have been hard. I thought I'd sing "my song." You know, one of those songs you listen to that keeps you going? Yeah that one. I thought it'd be decent at least, I thought I was singing pretty well. My grandma sang professionally, so it's in my genes, right?
Oh, God. No. It's bad. Why am I sharing this? For the record, I guess. I made it shorter, at least. Though you miss the parts where I play with an Aflak duck and drink Buzz Cola. They really weren't that great, I did you a favor, believe me.
Why didn't anyone just tell me I sounded horrible when I tried out for the lead in the play in elementary school? Why just sit there in silence and stare at me? If I suck just tell, me, jeez. Don't just sit there and let me waste my time and energy on things that aren't worth it. That's cold.
The iPod is all I use to take pictures any more. It's just so... easy. And I'm in love with apps. Not the highest-quality, but fun. Found a gif creation app on iTunes. Turns out I can't read any of it but it's easy to figure out and awesome and FUN!! :D
I had to share them somewhere. Commence!
the shed at our old place
friends at Burial Grounds open mic night last night :D
best of xmas light display thingie back in December
the kids hanging out at the Self Reliant Community meeting last fall
playing with a strobe light :P
enjoying a birthday cupcake at a local cupcakery :)
Free birthday ice cream at The Old Spaghetti Factory; getting the ol' birthday serenade
couldn't pick a favorite so I made a few :)
drinking warm apple cider for the first time last fall :)
yup
brothers
(couldn't pick a favorite on this one either :)
throwing rocks at the lake
saved the best for last
the first time he saw me in my dress on our wedding day :D
Here's some music! (Lyrics are in the video description on youtube!)
Time for a hopefully quick update on life & the way things are going. Still haven't had time to give support to all of my wonderful followers. I just watched a podcast from some old guy in South America or something talking about vampires & equating it to energy and love and all that. You guys keep giving me love even though I haven't been able to return it for a while!! So thank you, and sorry for being a vampire. Unless you like that kind of thing. You're welcome if that's the case. And I am sparkly, but only sometimes. So there's that.
Life is beginning to return to "normal" I think. Well, I've been having ideas about posts, anyway. I was just thinking earlier how "normal" doesn't really exist. I guess it would equate to "average" in a statistic sense, but average doesn't really mean much! I get hung up on that a lot, I think. Because I'm very detached from any sort of community, so if I just get to average or normal, at least I will be a part of something!
And that's not true, I'm a part of a handful communities (both online and in real life!). I've just been too preoccupied to give any of them the time I think they deserve, so I've just been one of those exterior people who shows up, when I'd rather be a part of the core. Ah, the core. I've always wanted to be a part of that....
Speaking of what I've always wanted...... OOOOOOO. I've been having problems with jealousy lately!!! It's just been all over the place.
Jealous of people who don't have kids or significant others because they have so much time!! Oh, the wonderful things I would do if only I had the time!!!
Jealous of people who have kids and, I swear, it's like EVERYBODY helps raise them. Like, everyone around is another parent who is so supportive and helps if things are going wrong. But no one crosses any lines! GAH!!! Please, guys, help us too! How do WE not have that sort of environment!!
Jealous of family members totally preferring other family members over us. Which is fine. I totally understand people sometimes just prefer certain people over others and it's nothing personal. But WAAAHHHH don't you care???
Jealous of people who know how to win board games. LOL. I'm not really a sore loser, but loss after loss after loss after loss after loss, when I don't feel like I'm winning anywhere else is starting to wear on me.
Jealous of people WHO CAN TALK. I've always been a total introvert. Not very confident in my ideas, because my ideas are strange and I haven't figured out how to frame them in more acceptable terms.
Jealous of people with support systems!!! Oh how falling would hurt so much less if someone was just there to give a pat on the back and say "At least you tried!"
The funny thing is.... all these things that other people have but "not me" (pouty pout pout)...uhhh I totally have them!
I've been so fascinated lately about creating my own reality. Which I do, a little bit. It takes courage, which is new to me. Regarding the energy I was speaking about earlier (you know, the vampire stuff) I never realized that you have to give in order to get. Well, I did, but I thought it was only limited to material things, or something. I've always had a much better grip on the physical world than the weird spiritual emotional one. Which I think actually enhanced my spirituality oddly enough, but I digress.
When I was like 5, I was in a "summer camp" thing at a local park... Really it was just a fancy name for "babysitting during the summer while you're not in kindergarten," it wasn't overnight or anything. And I didn't know anyone. There was this boy who I thought was SO AWESOME, and did I introduce myself to him? No. Did I talk to him? Oh, jeez.. No! Did I even talk about how awesome I thought he was to other people? Nope! I followed him! I followed him around the playground! I was waiting for him to notice me and say "Hi! You wanna play?" Did he ever say that... hahahahahaha NO. No. He said, "STOP FOLLOWING ME!!"
Noooo.... I died. I was trying so hard to be friends!!! Following him everywhere!!!! WHYYYY WHYYYYY. Oh, I was so sad.
Oddly enough, I didn't seem to really learn anything. Maybe... "Don't let the people you're following know you're following them (but somehow obviously they'll still notice you?). WHAT? That makes no sense.
So.... just now, over a quarter of a century into my life, I've finally figured out that if I want something, I have to create an environment for it to happen. Heck, I might even have to MAKE IT HAPPEN. I can't just sit and wait for it.
I mean, I've sort of known it, a few times, but haven't really implemented it well, or I kind of forgot it, or I did it but I was alone in a forest so nobody heard, and therefore it didn't make a sound.
Now my problem is actually doing it. I literally have to unlearn so much. And then find out what it is that I actually want.
In school, I was the perfect student.
I never asked questions. I was quiet. I got A's and B's... sometimes C's if I really needed help but never asked. But for the most part, I was always on the honor roll. I was in Who's Who Among American High School Students 3 years in a row. I played the flute in marching band my freshman year, I had been playing since 4th grade and even had private lessons! But I quit because I found out I was supposed to be in Orchestra class or something, and in that class everyone was required to do solos in front of the whole class. And the band was like 100 people. So I quit because I might mess up. It wasn't an easy A. I even was in an honors class, which I bombed [read: "got a C"] only because I was trying too hard and, again, never asked for help.
Great. Thank you school for all of the amazing life lessons you taught me. [/sarcasm] Like shut up, sit down, and do what we say. There's one of the reasons we decided to unschool our kids right there. I don't really think making that a daily habit is going to help my kids realize their potential.
I can't wait to write posts about unschooling. Honestly, it's so awesome. It will be even more awesome once we get into the unschooling scene in the city we just moved to. I am sooo excited for my kids. ^_^
Honestly, I'm uncomfortable talking about my kids here though. Because I often talk about my fears and worries and shortcomings. It's my only outlet for these things for now. There is no greater fear to a mom than to have someone say they aren't raising their children correctly. Or maybe there is... haha... there are a TON of fears that come with parenthood. (*cringes thinking of some of them*)
But I'm really into transparency, and not propagating the many lies and omissions and assumptions about parenthood and life in general that are still prevalent in many societies today. Of course, we're not normal (or average), but neither are you. We're just people, derpin around, trying to do our best. And that's fascinating. I can't wait to make more and more connections as my confidence grows and I meet more people and OH MAN, getting up the courage to just approach strangers and listen to their views on life.... I can't wait!!
Here's one of my example baby steps (gotta learn to walk before I can run, amirite?), on my excursion yesterday (partly documented in the video below) over on the "rich" side of town (we live on the "poor" side of town, but while wandering the 'hood trying to brighten it up with my smile and pink hoodie, too many tweekers started conversations [3 is enough LOL - They seem to be the only ones brave enough to approach others, lol, but they're just trying to fuel their addiction] ...sooo I went over to the rich side for a break).
There was an old woman sweeping her sidewalk, just getting out a trash bag to put the pine needles in, and I offered to hold the bag for her, just to make her day a little easier. As if it wasn't easy enough, she's on the rich side of town after all, but honestly I think lots of money /= easy life. She was appreciative, but a little worried, I think. People seem to make a lot less eye contact over there. I just want to let the world know that there's good stuff, and people to help. Whether or not I get help in return, I still value helping others to the best of my ability. All is not lost.
NEWS!!!!!!
Made a video on the spur of the moment yesterday, check it out:
Making intentions public is something I've found all over the internet to help get something done, but according to Derek Sivers (who is awesome, awesome, awesome - go soak in everything he's written, watch his TED talks. You might want to take a vacation, it'll be a while) "Tests done since 1933 show that people who talk about their intentions are less likely to make them happen. Announcing your plans to others satisfies your self-identity just enough that you're less motivated to do the hard work needed." =O So I better watch out. If I haven't been a part of Triathalon by July, kick my butt and make me do it, K? ^_~
Also, I wanted to mention really quickly how great it is hanging out with awesome and influential people. Our housemate/landlord/friend person is one of those people who is just great and gets things done. We've got a couple of other contacts that are just.... mindblowingly awesome. Better than any celebrity. It's amazing. And just going out into the community, in the small amount that we have, and being in touch with these great people and having them talk to us and be interested in us (and one of them even told me I was HOT!) has really kept us going. It's like we owe it to them to be awesome, lol. It's great.
Okay I'll stop there. I hope you guys all have great weeks and weekends and can find the awesomeness in all the moments that don't seem so great. :D <3
Since I've found it difficult to update recently, this Music Monday will have a bit more substance than some of the previous, hooray!
Without further ado, here is "Patience."
I'm such a Saul Williams groupie. I haven't found one thing he's touched that I don't like. I aspire to be like him. And I absolutely love his new album, Volcanic Sunlight. True to the rumors, it IS different than what he's done in the past, but IMO what he does just keeps getting better. His older songs age well. Just. AWESOMENESS.
Lots of words go here about the song, but I don't have time to form them into coherent text.
"It's getting harder to maintain"
My favorite post on Technicolor Typecast so far is How to Be Successful in Five Easy Steps (Or at Least a Pretty Good Cosplayer). I mean, it's so problogger-y. (I guess. I don't really know much about problogger.) Its so awesome, that I inspired myself when I wrote it. Still not sure if its the best advice though. Gimme a break, I'm shooting from the hip, here.
I realized it directly conflicts with awesome truth/transparency. Which I try to value and uphold. But I also value finding yourself, and doing what makes you happy. Sometimes it seems like sticking to 100% truthiness is contraindicated to grabbing life by its balls and living, doing what your soul tells you is right. Not that I'm saying you should lie. But, for example, for someone like me with social anxiety, I'm tempted to just create a temporary alter-ego in order to get used to talking to people. Telling the truth, if you're not a good storyteller, has a tendency to be boring, and if you're talking to an acquaintance or a stranger... I don't know. Perhaps white lies and exaggerations and completely made up shenanigans could come in handy.
Also let me mention Sam Spurlin, and something he said on Twitter that resonated with me. Actually the internet is really unreliable at this place, so no exact quote will be given. But it was something about finding your passion... people (like me) who are uncertain of their passions tend to look inward to find their passion, however, you might be more successful if you create your own passion. Get out there and do stuff that sounds fun, and who knows, maybe you'll end up being passionate about it.
Well, I don't remember exactly where I was going with this whole post and I must be going soon. Somehow this is all related to this poem from Maya Angelou that I strongly identify with. So, hmm.
My conclusion is to be reached in the future. Draw your own conclusions. I keep trying to oversimplify these things. Or perhaps they are simple and I'm complicating them. Or maybe things just are, and they will be what they will be regardless of how anyone will label them.
This song is dedicated to the old me. Lets all give her a hug, she was a sweetheart.
***HUG***
^_^
Found this picture that I drew in high school. I didn't ever think I could draw, and certainly this didn't count because I copied off of pictures from The Offspring's "Americana" CD. What a silly, this is really good!
We're MOVING!
This WEEKEND!
Yay!! Wish us luck! We've been interested in "tiny living" for a year or two now, but I hope we all fit okay in a 1-bedroom apartment! Kinda nervous, but mostly excited!!! :D Exclamation points!!! :D
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