Q and A: Byakuya on Kids and Stuff

You may have read my "About Me" at some point... I post it almost everywhere. You might call it my "elevator pitch." It goes something like this:

"I'm an unschooling mom in pursuit of minimalist and (relatively) moneyless lifestyle."

I don't really talk about any of that much here at Technicolor Typecast - they are kind of difficult topics to address (and I kind of like having a little bit of a break here too :). What we're doing is actually really awesome though (in my opinion anyway), and I hope I get around to sharing more about it someday!

Back on the 3rd of July I wrote a tiny bit about what we've been doing and invited questions. Here's some of what I wrote:

"...Yes, we are a family of 4 living off of $800/mo (US$) plus whatever else we can scrape up! It can be done, and it doesn't have to be That Bad. We're kind of hoping to be an example for others to show you can "have everything" without a wasteful lifestyle...."

"...Feel free to ask questions about our lifestyle, I would love to answer them in posts. We are EXTREMELY low-income (partly by choice), unschoolers (kids are 1.5 and 7 years), members of our local self-reliant and sustainability groups, and when we move we plan on trying out minimalism, or at least the 100-Thing Challenge. Oh, and my husband and I (though we are not "officially" married) have had a fantastic relationship over the last 5+ years of spending our lives together 24/7. And I had a homebirth. Damn, we do all sorts of different shit. Let me know what you'd like to read about..."

Byakuya was kind enough to ask a question! He is the author of Serenity Blogs: including RPG Index, Riot of Legends, Hilarious Images, and Serenity Anime.

He asked:

"Won't your children resent you for not having what most normal kids get at that age?
No offense intended, it's just if I had to grow up like that I wouldn't be friends with my parents, I would probably stop contacting them when I moved out."

I like being asked difficult questions and challenged and growing and learning and all that good stuff, so I really wanted to answer because it's a valid concern and I think a lot of people have it.

Will my children resent me? I can't really control how they feel about me, lol. All I can do is my best, and I think unschooling and minimalism is best. This isn't to say that we force them to do it.

Granted, once we are more on the minimalist side of things (we are not quite yet), they are probably going to have to have fewer toys than the average American. But they will still have toys, and we'll get the best quality we can. Even though we are trying to go moneyless, that doesn't mean we buy a bunch of Dollar Store junk.

We do our best to live by example, not only as an example to our kids, but as an example to others: Things can be done differently. You don't really need things that you feel like you need. That kind of thing.

We do our best to make sure our kids have lots of freedom and let them make their own decisions. We're not perfect at it, but perfection is an illusion anyway -- especially when it comes to parenting. It's interesting though, because our 7-year-old doesn't really realize he has a lot of freedom and kind of takes it for granted, so that's been an interesting thing to try to help him overcome.

We're still pretty new at unschooling (though technically we've been doing it for almost 8 years!) and we don't claim to really know what we're doing. We're constantly learning more, and I figure the best place to learn about homeschooling and unschooling is not necessarily from other parents (although they are a huge help) but from adults who had been homeschooled and/or unschooled. What worked for them? What didn't?

I was so excited to see that one of my favorite bloggers, Ev Bogue, was actually unschooled growing up, so I asked him what he had to say:

"Unschooling rocked. 

Here's the two things that I think you need to think about to make it work. 

1. The kids need to have uncontrolled ability to interact with the world. IE, no one watching over their shoulder. The most important things I learned were things that no one watched me do. The new world will be very different from the one that we're currently living in, you and I won't understand it but our kids will.

2. Many cities live in isolation. People living in boxes, unable to interact with anything but their TVs. This is sad, and I'm doing everything I can to fight it. There are cities that aren't like this. They're better for experiences. This is why Leo Babauta moved to San Francisco to unschool his kids, because there are experiences here. If you live in nowhere, your kids will end up nowhere. I know, it's hard to say, but it's true. 

Anyway, hope that helps!
Everett"

That said, we are planning to hopefully move to Tacoma in the upstairs apartment of a home owned by a really awesome woman who's really active with the community and permaculture scene. The move is planned for a couple of months, and I am SO excited (even though it's certainly no San Franscico). There really will be a lot more resources and hopefully we'll be out doing stuff a lot more often. Although I do think unschooling could be pulled off really well anywhere - I agree, it probably is easiest in the city. Along with minimalism and living with not much money! Nothing like growing up in the 'hood. :D

Hopefully I answered your question, Byakuya! Let me know if you want to know more and I will share in the comments. :D

Excerpts from the Small House Society Yahoo Group

Just thought I would post a couple of quotes from people in this thread about someone looking for other families who are interested in minimalism and downsizing in order to keep her momentum, as she doesn't know anyone doing anything like her in real life - and sometimes that can be hard. Trust me, I know. :D

the simple life

There are many other messages here, but my favorite was Kelly's:

"It's taken me about two years, but we got rid of about 80% of our stuff. Believe it or not I have another box that is going to Goodwill. Mine is also partially motivated by economics. Hubby has had two lay offs since 2007, and his current job pays a lot less money. Gone are the days his boss would hand him a big bonus, etc. It's taught me many, many lessons. We lived in the 3400 sq. ft. house, with 2 new cars, etc. We are now in about 1200 sq. ft. and I plan on going smaller in about 2 years. We have two kids, two dogs, and two cats. So many lessons. One is that hubby has a job so we are incredibly fortunate. Another biggie is that we are not any more or less happy having less money or less things, in some ways we are actually happier. The biggest of them all is that my family, their health is number one.......not a new car or a McMansion......materialistic items mean nothing to me now. I did not think they ever did, but they must have at one point since we bought that big house.


Along the way I became a green girl, and got into the environmental movement........can't pinpoint the exact date this happened. Part of it was due to my daughter being allergic to everything and me removing all perfumes, cleaners, anything toxic, etc. out of my house and us learning to eat healthier, etc. So as I became more clear about who I was, how I wanted to live, and how we wanted to live as a family well it all started falling into place. A small house and a minimalistic lifestyle are definitely our goals here."

I kind of feel like these kinds of things are obviously the best choices (although I do understand how people can feel differently), but I love reading about how people arrive at the conclusion and all the things they do!

Then Larry responds:

"I am a Dad, not a Mom. But if you are serious about living within your means,
this is what I recommend:


1) Location, location, location. Do some research and find out where the cost of
living is the lowest, and the unemployment is lowest, and utilities and housing
are lowest, and move there. Most people are grounded/rooted in one place. Big
mistake, financially. I live in rural Kentucky. I had a beautiful house built 6
months ago on 1.5 acres of land in the country for $80,000. I feel as though we
are in heaven, with a 1000 SF house, and a 400 square foot, screened in porch
overlooking the forest. We have 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, laminate hardwood
floors, 6 ceiling fans, low-e windows, etc, etc. My all-electric bill averages
$60/month. Water is $15.00/month. Yes, I had to buy a riding mower and it is a
lot of grass to mow. But I wouldn't live in a big city for anything.


2) Develop a budget and live within it. No magic here.


3) Don't let the kids guilt you in to buying them things. Give them the basics,
and tell them if they want better, they need to earn the money. Plenty of jobs
mowing grass, raking leaves, cleaning house, babysitting, etc, etc. There is no
better lesson you can teach them as a parent than learning to earn their own
money to buy what they want.


4) Shop at thrift stores.


5) Just say NO when they want some expensive gadget that they don't really need.
In my experience, single mothers feel so guilty there is no father around, that
they overspend to try to compensate. Ridiculous. Just say NO, we can't afford
it. Stop feeling guilty."

Wow, Larry says it so well! I'm pretty sure he's the guy I often see in the group giving epic responses to everything. Although there are over 1,000 members, so I could be wrong. I don't keep up with the group often.

Someone asked if $80,000 included the land he built his home on:

"No, the $80,000 was for the house alone. I paid $20,000 for the two acres of
land a few years ago. And, I had to pay to have a septic system put in, and to
run electric and water lines. So the total cost was closer to $110,000. But the
cheap utilities and property taxes still make it a bargain.
You are right that living in the country is not for everyone. I felt very
isolated at first. But I know some of the neighbors now, married a wonderful
lady, and our neighbors all watch out for each other and wave/honk as they drive
by. I am 12 miles from work, but it only takes me 20 minutes to get there. I
only have 1 stop sign and 4 traffic lights to deal with. Some of my friends who
live in Lexington or Louisville need 30 - 40 minutes to drive 6 miles across
town because of the traffic. I just have to watch out for deer and other
wildlife. When I sit out on my back porch, all I hear is the wind blowing the
leaves in the trees, or occasionally someone mowing their grass in the distance.
I have somewhat of a hermit personality, so it works fine for me. My kids don't
understand how I can live so far from a WalMart or Pizza Hut. It just takes
planning. We have a chest freezer and huge food pantry so we are pretty well
stocked up on food. You just have to plan out things so you have what you need
on hand. You can't just hop in the car and be at Kroger in 5 minutes." 

 I love the internet. :)